what i've come to know

This past year has been a challenge, to say the least. I've had what seems like an eternity of silence to think. 
Silence, in large doses, is both a blessing and a curse. It evokes emotions and thoughts that we once thought were absent from our being. There are portals of our soul that we are forced to enter, forgotten parts that we are made to extract and make known. It opens us to our own judgment, which is, and rightfully so, the harshest form of evaluation. 
Up until last year, the better part of which I spent in bed, immobilized by my own doing, I hadn't taken the time to evaluate. Self-evaluation at crucial points in our lives is vital, for without it we are prone to slip into a state of existence that is noxious to the human spirit. I desire lifestyles and not transient states of being. Lifestyles require commitment, an obsessive passion, a furious loyalty. What better way to live than with a purpose to which we are thoroughly committed?
Alan has always had his goals in front of him, easy in reach; not because they are easily attainable, but because he has an unmatched sense of direction and posseses a rarely seen form of passion. Some people are born with a bold character; the kind that happily exploits every available resource. Others slip into the gaps and the passes, waiting and hoping, for a time that will be their own. For eighteen months, I lived passively, blindly, without purpose. I am now coming to terms with the knowledge that the perfect time and the perfect tide are the stuff of fairytales. Life requires of us an aggresive nature, if we are to expand. 
I take pride in the changes that I've made in my life. I see myself evolving into a person who loves to learn, simply for the preservation and expansion of knowledge. While I can look at my current predicament as a stripping away of my rights, I can also look at it as an unparalleled opportunity. It may not be what I want right now, but to see each and every setback as room for growth is a much better approach. 
Eighteen turbulent months. And now, they are over. I've been to hell and back, but I have emerged, stronger and more resilient. Along with sorrow and heartbreak, I was gifted shreds of sage-like wisdom. And, the greatest lesson yet? That happiness isn't contingent on circumstance; it's a state of mind, of attitude, of personal endeavor. I have found happiness, and it is sublime.