and finally, i think i mentioned earlier, how in a moment of discomfort and irritation, i chopped off my hair without precision or care - and it looks choppy and awful. its short and id take back that awfully impetuous decision any day. what to do?

i cannot tell you what it feels to sleep in ones own bed. to eat homemade food. to watch tintin and to read books that have nothing whatsoever to do with the human body.
to feel what the living feel.

for it has been five months. and i am now living again.

i am almost certain i know what i want but i believe in fate - that certain things, no matter how hard we try to manipulate them, occur in their own set way, that they proceed according to their own plan. so i have my plans of course, but i don't know if they will come to fruition.

i guess what i'm saying is that i'm taking each day as it comes and making plans only so far into the future because what i want and what i get are not always the same.

I'm going home tomorrow morning. Here's to the best summer, for you and for me.

i read this somewhere and i feel the need to share it, especially in light of recent events and the direction i plan on taking my life:

The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are. 

– John Pierpont Morgan

do you believe in miracles?

Even when you've given up on yourself, when you've no hope for the future, God does not give up on you.

There's a verse from Jeremiah that says:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

and isn't that so.

theres a thunderstorm brewing outside.

and i drank a liter and a half of water in less than an hour.

but its yet far from where i need to be.
and it looks awful.

and i took a pair of scissors and chopped my hair off.