In this difficult day, in this difficult time for the United States, it's perhaps well to ask what kind of a nation we are and what direction we want to move in.

I watched Ripple of Hope last night, a documentary on Bobby Kennedy's reaction to Dr. King's assassination. The speech he gives, to an impassioned and enraged crowd on the night of the assassination, sends them peacefully home. Kennedy, for the first time in five years, brings up Jack's assassination and speaks of the loss he too has experienced at the hands of a white man. His point in doing so is to elucidate the matter at hand: that hatred and prejudice are indiscriminately present in all societies, that one act of bloodshed is not made right by retaliation. Retaliation, as made evident throughout history, serves only to propagate the "mindless menace of violence." Kennedy's speech erased the lines between color that night and prompted the country to move toward forgiveness and compassion toward men regardless of the color of their skin.

a new life.

my days now consist of:
uninterrupted sleep.
thunderstorms.
studying at a well lit table.
peanut butter sandwiches.
frozen juice bars.
golden eyeshadow.
family and warmth.
anna karenina.
activist literature.
hope.

i have not looked back.

I've stumbledupon my dream home.

I signed up for StumbleUpon last night and spent almost two hours perusing through websites I normally would not have found... Perhaps my favorite is this one:
Hobbit Home
This is the home I'd like to live in. It is environmentally friendly, low impact, and extremely affordable. This entire home was built for 3000 pounds over a period of 3-4 months. Imagine living without a mortgage and being completely self-reliant. Everyone has a dream home. This is mine.

if it means i have to live in a homeless shelter, eat peanut butter sandwiches for every meal, drink from water fountains, then i will. anything is better than the alternative.

a good day.

lemon and water.
sushi and miso.
pens and paper.
accomplishment.
and now,
monster bug wars.
it's been good.

I received my acceptance packet from yellowstone today for the months of September and October. I'm not sure I'll accept as I'd much rather work in the summer of 2012.
I still haven't the courage to tell my parents of what I intend/hope to do this coming year. I am actively researching the possibilities and I've found exactly what I'd like to fill my time. I feel my insides knotting up when I even think of bringing it up.
I'm not sure what I want for myself. What I want for my future. My nature is one rooted in wanderlust, in simplicity, in opposing conventionalism. And I think that a year off would help me unearth my soul, which as of late has been buried under a myriad of expectations, of worries, of dreams that are not my own. A year off would help me become acquainted with the person I know I am, the person that I am becoming.
This is something I desperately need. I'm not sure my parents will agree.