Seventeen paces from the edge of the church is a grave. The stone is marble, and the words read, “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.”

Seventeen paces from the edge of the church, my heart gives way.

Eleven years ago, a child was buried here. The priest stood at the edge of her grave and sprinkled sand on it.

Eleven years ago, I buried my soul in a dusty town in southern India.

The people stand by, their beady eyes watching closely. I want to scream. I want to tell them that this isn’t a movie. That this is life.

The women stand on one side, their sarees lifting in the light breeze that drifts through the open church. There is a sound of a hammer knocking on wood. It is distant and perhaps I’m the only one to hear it.

We walk in single file. My hands are sweaty and clammy.

I want to cry.  It's all I can think of in the moment. My sister is dead. And the crowd is watching; we're on display.

I don't cry at my sister's funeral and for the life of me will never be able to let that thought go.

so happy right now... that i had forgotten until this moment that im turning 21 in ten minutes. and that is what great friends and family will do.

Dinde, an Indian Turkey

Tomorrow: family and friends are coming in for Thanksgiving Dinner at our home.

My mom and I are making cheese scones, pumpkin bread, and a pomegranate-apple-walnut salad among all the other staples.

Denise - my best friend since I was four - and Sam, my brother's friend, drove all the way from Massachusetts. It's been so nice having them here.

Lately, I've been feeling like things are falling into place - like things will get better. Life has been good these past days and I feel calm.

I'll be 21 this Saturday - we;ll see how things go from there.

today is a new day.

watching parks and recreation while drinking a cold glass of 1% organic milk. life doesn't get better than this :)

today was not the best day.

the little things that frustrate me

have the greatest pull on my feelings

the smallest victories elate me

and the tiniest of defeats drag me so deep,

that i feel water filling my lungs,

i feel the waves dragging me to the deep.

if i were to tell you of the latest defeat that has left me feeling shattered,

you would laugh,

because even i can tell that it is so insignificant.

and yet, i have no control over how i feel.

and that is a terrible way to live.